Agents Provocateurs
Collection of SA’s funniest columnists irreverent rants
The Long Walk to Woolworths
Top Billing covered the controversial Gupta wedding. Then again if Satan and Hendrik Verwoerd got married Top Billing would cover it, as long as the devil wears Prada. If racial classism were a commodity all South Africans would be millionaires, Sandton would be a mining… Read More →
#Whitepoverty? Like, Sawubona, You Totally Don’t Know My Struggles!
I am finally fed up. You know, I’ve done my absolute best to ignore all the negativity in SA these days. But that #whitepoverty trend that was on Twitter this weekend was just so insensitive. It was definitely the final straw. I mean like, what?… Read More →
Let’s All Drink To The Death Of A Clown
This is the first time in ten years that I haven’t had a weekly deadline for a newspaper column. The first five were with the Cape Times, the second five with the Sunday Times. It’s very unsettling to suddenly have an extra six hours a… Read More →
Facing my Lookalikes
Last Sunday, I was declared the winner of One Day Leader, SABC1’s leadership reality show. What made this victory even sweeter was that I hadn’t even entered the programme. Truth be told, I hadn’t managed to watch even one episode. My friend Shaka Sisulu is… Read More →
The Science of Queuing
There is something undeniably funny about seeing someone get visibly upset about waiting for long periods of time at the Traffic Department. I happened to choose a particularly bad Saturday morning at Green Point to renew my Drivers License. Everyone inside the building appeared to… Read More →
Warning: Don’t Tweet and Land Planes
Dear Comrade Zama, I am a government Communications Director and a social media junky. Now that the Hawks fired spokesperson McIntosh Polela because of a tweet, I am worried about the risks of letting my staff tweet unpoliced on those Twitter streets. Should I… Read More →
5 Plans that may be better than getting a degree
Let’s face it—the economic landscape is looking pretty bleak. Despite all that hurrumph about “Africa Rising” and the Cannes-Cannes that invariably follows (performed unimpressively by European bankers), the number of African students graduating into joblessness is growing almost asfast as the waistlines of South African… Read More →
Man, that was stupid!
Possibly the most overrated entity in the entire biosphere is that grey mush found inside the skulls of members of the Homo sapiens species. Yes, I’m referring to the human brain. There is an unsubstantiated rumour that it is the seat of this phantom called… Read More →
An Open Letter to President Jacob Zuma
Dear Msholozi, I hear wife #3 is demanding that SA Airlink cough up half a million rand in compensation for jewellery that was allegedly stolen out of her bag while flying from Nelspruit to Johannesburg. Please don’t get me wrong. When I say “allegedly”, I’m… Read More →
South Africa in 14 Quotes
Last week I took the plunge and shipped my teenage body to the legendary city of gold. Without adult supervision or even a working South African phone number I decided that the time to see Joburg for the first time was now, and Ian Khama… Read More →
Uniforms and the victim in me
One of the most moronic thoughts ever spewed by my notoriously malfunctioning brain was when I walked into a baby clinic in the Pretoria CBD with my wife and six-week-old infant, and thought: “This woman is wearing a nurse’s uniform with impressive epaulettes on her… Read More →
Airplanes,Wedding Trains And The Car
“If you love me, you will obey my commandments – John 14:15.” And so it is with Trovato 07:45. Or, if I oversleep, 10:30. President Jacob Zuma is also big on this parable or homily or whatever the hell you call it. When I saw… Read More →
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