FW De Klerk – Just Go Quietly

Chester Missing

Apartheid gave us this guy FW De Klerk, and we would like to give him back now please. He was our last white dictator. Now he has started the De Klerk Foundation and has a sidekick who tells us k*k. Can someone please get in touch with this guy and tell him: “We are not interested Mr. Ex-Dictator dude”.

Apparently he got the Nobel Peace prize with Nelson Mandela, because together they bought peace. WTF?! Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in jail and then, with help, convinced some severely pissed off freedom fighters to chill.

What did De Klerk do? Spend 27 years waxing his shiny bald head? De Klerk getting the Nobel Peace Prize with Mandela was like DJ Tbo Touch getting a SAMA award because he once play-listed a Lira song.

P.S. can we also get Bra Tbo Touch to change his name? Because ‘Touch’ is a stupid name for a DJ, but a lekker one for a pedophile. If you don’t know who Tbo Touch is, please slap yourself for being out of Touch. Puns for days.

I know Mandela needed someone in the apartheid system to make a change (CODESA, talks about talks, and what what) so thanks for not continuing apartheid Mr. de Klerk. But how grateful should we be for that? Imagine giving a rapist a prize because he stopped raping? Or giving a carjacker a prize because he stopped stealing cars? Or Justin Bieber a prize because he stopped singing … ok, that last one would make sense.

I would be fine with de Klerk keeping the prize, except now he’s telling us what he thinks. Turns out he really is a bald, brainless bigot.

He went on CNN and told the world that black people “were not disenfranchised” by the homeland vibes. Madness! What’s next? Nazis telling us about how the Holocaust was only bad for the really thin people (with respect to Jewish ous)?

Now his de Klerk Foundation, headed by some cheeseball called Dave Stewart is telling us about how they think affirmative action is a bad idea. Whoa! You seriously telling me we have the former leader of the white supremacist group called the National Party telling us what he thinks about affirmative action? What’s he going to do next, make me say ‘baas’?

Just because he looks like Dr. Phil’s evil brother doesn’t mean his opinion should have credibility. Yes, he has a right to say what he thinks. And I have a right to tell him to kiss my little puppet ass. FW De Klerk talking about Affirmative Action is like Julius Malema giving out recipes for salad.

When we’re thinking how to redress the economic inequality in SA, the very last person, after Moshe from Takalane Sesame, after Kenny Kunene the sushi king, even after Jub Jub, will be a former apartheid president.

Don’t get me wrong, South Africa is a country for everyone. I am sure apartheid presidents can have a role. He could get busy separating Jelly Babies into colour groups, or running torture camps for Survivor SA, or telling us exactly how they came up with the ridiculous difference between black, white and coloured.

But when it comes to affirmative action De Klerk is like a VHS tape: completely out of date. Except unlike FW de Klerk, VHS tapes are black and can actually do something useful.

Chester Missing is a political analyst on Late Nite News with Loyiso Gola on eNCA and etv.


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