Zapiro, Zuma and Mac Maharaj: Media Whores

This Zapiro-Zuma thing isn’t a debate; it’s the AGM for the Association of Self Righteous Pricks of SA. Ja, I know Mac Maharaj is a walking box of race cards, but that Zapiro guy has been sitting on his high horse for so long he’s going to ride in the Durban July, probably on a black stallion called Jacob. They are all talking rubbish.

First, dear Mac (you sound like a cheeseburger boss), you say the cartoon portrays the ‘president as a sexual deviant’. If the president doesn’t want to be seen as a sexual deviant he shouldn’t mack (excuse the pun) on Irvin Khoza’s daughter, have sex with his ‘niece’ or talk about showers and AIDS. That kak is deviant.

And while we are about it, do you get the irony of a guy called Gedleyihlekisa suing a cartoonist? And also, since you listening, this 280 million on security at Nkandla, are you sure that instead of putting JZ in prison you not just building the prison around him?

Mac reckons the cartoon of the president taking his pants off, what what, *yawn*, is racist and makes out that black ous are just sex maniacs. The liberal closet racists who call into Talk Radio 702 all think this is stupid. And Auntie Redi Thlabi, for reasons only she and her radio posse know, doesn’t ask the glaring, stupendously obvious question: why so many of you white people so cool with us laughing at the black guy?

I know, crazy me, a racist white South African, I must be mad. But imagine that some of the people who supported apartheid are alive. Ridiculous, I know. Now imagine they see the cartoon in the Sunday Times. White people read the Sunday Times? Never! Then imagine they call into 702 and shout about “freedom of speech”. But I guess asking questions like these is not what 702 or white cartoonists are for?

The idea that black men are crazy sex maniacs is hundreds of years old, and goes back to slavery. But let me not rain on your drawing board, Zapiro guy. I am sure the nice people who read The Sunday Times have never been exposed to these racist stereotypes.

Don’t get me wrong, I am just as guilty (I said on national television that Zuma sings “ntondo wami”, instead of “umshini wami”), but I do try not to tell racist jokes to the actual racists. If the cartoon had been in The Sowetan or City Press I would feel different. But it wasn’t. It was in the Sunday Times, or as I call it: The DA Newsletter.

Next, what level of dickhead (no reference to another questionable Zapiro cartoon) do you have to be to sue a cartoonist? Who goes to court because a guy drew a picture? Mac Maharaj says he wants to debate on culture. I heard you debate culture Mr Spokesman. You know jack shit about culture. Respectfully boss, thinking you understand culture because you fought apartheid is like thinking you a proctologist because you’re an asshole.

You are right about the idea, but explain it really, really, really kak. It does more harm than good. You should be telling ous that there is a Eurocentric bias in how humour is consumed in SA popular culture. There is a tendency to enforce western cultural norms by using humour to define some people (e.g. the president) as culturally incompetent. But instead you just shouting like a moegoe ou on drugs. You like the political Charlie Sheen, without the sex part, ironically.

Finally, Mr. President chill the f**k out. You are the PRESIDENT. Maybe watch some TV? Three shows I think you will like are: LNN, Cheaters and Home Improvement. Also, please can you sue me, Chester Missing? Apparently that’s how satirists get publicity. I work with a white guy you can hate on, if that makes it easier. Because I guess black puppets and presidential spokesman are a bit too much alike.

Chester Missing is a political analyst on Late Nite News with Loyiso Gola on eNCA and etv.

By Chester Missing

Chester Missing Chester Missing is South Africa's hottest new political analyst. Conrad Koch is his sidekick. It's strange, but you'll laugh... a lot.

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