Chardonnay, Best Served with Slavery

By Chester Missing November 15, 2012

Chester Missing

Politicians should be paid in inverse proportion to their weight. Helen Zille would be loaded, but she’d have to loan it all to Lindiwe. If these DA publicity stunts (e.g. COSATU, Nkandla, and now De Doorns) get any cheaper they’re going to have to change their name to ‘Ellerines’.

Apparently Zille is helping the ‘migrant workers’. Ja, if she wants your vote you’re a ‘migrant worker’, if she doesn’t you’re a refugee.

I am a mad angry little puppet guy at the situation of these workers. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that if Mac Maharaj forgets to do the dishes he tells his wife its Verwoerd’s fault. I mean if you burn R100, you’re skhotane. If you burn a R100-million agriculture building, you’re an arsonist. If you burn R1-billion, you’re a cabinet minister.

The fact is these Western Cape farm workers have been at the coalface of kakness for 350 years, which, unless you are Mac Maharaj’s age, is a very long time.

Farm workers are paid around R70 a day (often much lower), excluding frikking everything. How do you feed, house and raise kids on R70 a day? That is one moerse long diet.

No sour grapes (pun intended), but dear farmers, are you out of your frikking minds?!!!!! Not only do the workers often have to buy their carrot for the week from the farmer him/herself, the corrugated postboxes they have to live in belong to the farmer… yes the workers pay for that also, from the R70.

In this world Chappies is highbrow. This is the kind of place your kid grows up dreaming of being a car guard. It’s like slavery, but you have to do your own accounting. Happy days.

You’ve got to understand how a farm works to get how evil this is. A farm is like a mini-country. It’s like Nkandla with less wives, but more veggies. The farmer is king. You don’t go do research, get the facts, wadda wadda, if the farmer doesn’t invite you, so it’s very, very, very hard to get stats.

The work is seasonal – it’s like politics, where they hibernate until election time. On top of that farmers can, and often do, just chuck ous out willy nilly. I would ask if they use Red Wine Ants for evictions, but I don’t want to get my ass kicked.

The families who own these farms have often (but not always… in case you’ve got a gun) been there for hundreds of years. Basically they’re like the buildings in Stellenbosch: white and stuck in 1679. In the not so distant past they paid people with alcohol. Some still do. It’s called the dop system. Ask Jackson Mthembu. It was a jolly era where if you were black you couldn’t own a farm but you were welcome to die on one.

For a taste of these kindly citizens, go check out ‘Boere Krisis Aksies’ on Facebook. Its like a home page for Nazis, but with koeksusters. One ou was getting his bras to write to the BBC about perceived anti-white vibes, and warned them “What I suggest is that no one writes anything that can be classed as racial hatred, for racism is a big no no in the international media especially Europe”. WTF? Those crazy Europeans being against racism. Pffft.

While you about it stop by the DA Facebook page. The first comment on their farm workers post was: “But most of all we need an independent Cape!” Yup, that’s your people, Auntie Helen. Charming. Maybe y’all could give the migrant farm workers passbooks for when they come once a year from the Bantustan called ‘South Africa’?

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure the COSATU ous are playing dirty tricks as is being claimed, and yes the ANC Oliphant in the room did facilitate the current R70/day a few months ago. You know Australia, land of Aboriginal genocide and emigrated Afro-pessimists, has a minimum wage of R150 per hour? And we wanna pay ous R70 a day?!!!! What are we making Chardonnay from? Human tears?

My answer for this is simple. Put the actual wage you paying your workers on every bottle of Backsberg to the Future, Spier of the Nation, Durbanville Hillbillies that you sell. And then put the cellphone number of the bastard in charge. We wanna phone you motherf**ers.

Chester Missing is a political analyst on Late Nite News with Loyiso Gola on eNCA and etv.


Most popular right now