The Long Walk to Woolworths
Top Billing covered the controversial Gupta wedding. Then again if Satan and Hendrik Verwoerd got married Top Billing would cover it, as long as the devil wears Prada. If racial classism were a commodity all South Africans would be millionaires, Sandton would be a mining… Read More →
A Trust Fund Called Zuma
Freedom Day was on a Saturday, which is just plain dof. It’s like getting your own couch as a birthday present. It was like a fake Freedom Day. And after 350 years of colonialism we want our freedom as real as the hair under… Read More →
Kenny Kunene’s Venereal Disease
The Mandelas are fighting over money, Margaret Thatcher is dead, the ANCYL leadership has been replaced by puppets and Trevor Manuel thinks we should stop blaming apartheid. Anything is possible. Right now if you told me that Gwede Mantashe has a vagina I would believe… Read More →
If White People Steal you it’s not ‘Abduction’, it’s Angelina Jolie
In South Africa we don’t need ‘Earth Hour’ to shut off the lights. We have Eskom to do that for us. The head of our Olympic Committee is a round guy called ‘Tubby’. Our most senior communist is called Blade, but he’s never killed any… Read More →
IT’S NOT A POPE, IT’S A PUTCO BUS
Black smoke, black smoke, black smoke. It’s not a Pope, it’s a Putco bus. The whole world watched the Vatican for white smoke, black smoke or green smoke. Green smoke would mean Herschelle Gibbs is the new Pope, and if you could not tell if… Read More →
The Blade Blame Runner
This week Oscar Pistorius’ dad blamed the ANC for his son’s actions. That’s SA for you: a white guy kills a white woman and then his dad blames the black guys. It’s a matter of time before Pistorius Senior is blaming the ANC for Hugo… Read More →
Revolutionary Economics? More Like A Sex Scene In Backstage
Yesterday we had the Budget Speech, or as Pravin Gordhan calls it the: ‘The Money We Didn’t Spend On Nkandla Speech’. I love Pravin Gordhan, and not just because he could win a competition for Indian PW Botha lookalikes. He gets stuff done, and in… Read More →
The Guptas: Treasury Lite?
If this State of the Nation Address had been any more boring, Generations would use it as a script. Our president isn’t exactly a speed-reader. It’s like someone is SMSing him the speech one word at a time. The president could have been a lot… Read More →
Show Us The Money!
Anything is possible, comrades. Who would have imagined Patrice Motsepe would give away half his moola? He didn’t look in his car’s ashtray and say ‘I got no money’ like the rest of us. It’s amazing. Because in politics and life, money is where the… Read More →
White Vibes 101
2013 is on fire! And I don’t just mean in the service delivery protest sense. Someone in SA passed Grade 7 with just 29%. Is the economy is so bad even Grade 7 comes at a discount? But on the bright side if you fail… Read More →
We’re Hate Junkies and the Press is our Dealer
Millions on brand building and security but nobody has the balls to teach Msholozi to adjust his glasses with another finger. Because there is some bastard journalist who wants to make gat of him. Making the president look dof sells thousands of newspapers. In fact… Read More →
Mangaung, Sponsored by Cadre Lite
Politicians are going nuts. Not since Edgars had Red Hanger Sales have I seen this many fat people killing each other for a deal. The SABC is cracking. Right now they’d cancel Takalane Sesame for using the word ‘Kgalema’. The Soweto Derby is this… Read More →
Chester Missing is South Africa's hottest new political analyst. Conrad Koch is his sidekick. It's strange, but you'll laugh... a lot. 
A