Chester Missing

Die Stem And Other Whiny Voices

Die Stem And Other Whiny Voices

Steve Hofmeyr sung Die Stem in Australia. South Africans were relieved, because if he had sung one of his own classic tracks then the world would truly judge us. Die Stem is back in the news because it’s how EFF get to yank the FF+’s… Read More →

There’s No Racist Like a Race-Blind Racist

There’s No Racist Like a Race-Blind Racist

In South Africa the fastest way to get your own TV channel is not by curing HIV/AIDs or saving babies, it’s by “accidentally” killing a white woman. Ask Oscar. Of course this will only work for you if you are already an internationally acclaimed paralympian,… Read More →

SONA: Out with the Old, In With The… Same Old.

SONA: Out with the Old, In With The… Same Old.

Yes, the man with the fire pool is back, and Cape Town was on lock down for his address. All that security, but the people who actually wanted to stab the President in the back were already sitting inside. Of course Jacob Zuma was tired,… Read More →

Ministers, Mashaba and Other Clowns

Ministers, Mashaba and Other Clowns

Why do we blow millions inaugurating the same President twice? Just use the money for a second chicken run and play the video from last time. Hell, Msholozi could have saved us hours with a three-word speech that said it all: ‘I’M BACK BITCHES!’ We… Read More →

Viva Our Mad Country, Viva!

Viva Our Mad Country, Viva!

The level of madness post elections is truly off the charts. The politicians, the voters, and even Oscar might be mad. If we are paying for him to get assessment, can we suggest others who need to be checked out? Steve Hofmeyr, Thulas Nxesi and… Read More →

40 Ways to Waste your Vote

40 Ways to Waste your Vote

I hope you all made the most of the elections with the official IEC voting app? It helps you vote, lets you rent office space from Pansy Tlakula, and it arrests you if you try take a selfie in a voting booth. Like herpes, your… Read More →

Pretty Confusing Time to be a South African Voter

Pretty Confusing Time to be a South African Voter

Is the Oscar trial still going? Can’t we just do what we did with Nkandla and decide he’s guilty now? It’s been kind of weird hearing actual election news, instead of how Oscar is so scared of crime he stores his household appliances outside on… Read More →

Elections, Semantics and Cellphone Etiquette

Elections, Semantics and Cellphone Etiquette

The DA sent an SMS saying that Msholozi stole the Nkandla moola and you must vote DA to get it back. The ANC should just tell them he colonized the money, because if you use the word ‘colonized’ the DA will pretend it never happened.… Read More →

In the Battle of Nkandla, Only the Architect is Laughing All the Way to the Bank

In the Battle of Nkandla, Only the Architect is Laughing All the Way to the Bank

It turns out the guy who actually has a good story to tell is the Nkandla architect. He got R16 million for his troubles. No wonder they are chasing Juju for R16 million tax evasion. They need the money for the architect. No, comrades, there… Read More →

Welcome to the Rain-Drenched Nation, Comrades.

Welcome to the Rain-Drenched Nation, Comrades.

The only way this Oscar trial could get more press is if he joined the EFF. Julius will tell him he’s being targeted and that the cricket bat was planted by Gwede Mantashe. And when EFF finds out that Oscar’s lawyer Barry Roux allegedly charges… Read More →

The EFF is the new ANCYL

The EFF is the new ANCYL

  Last weekend I had a thousand Economic Freedom Fighters at the EFF Manifesto Launch in Tembisa chanting: ‘Chester! Chester! Chester!’ They thought I had a  mine hidden in my underpants. They were loud, they were red like an All Gold convention, and they were… Read More →

Chester Missing on SA Elections 2014

Chester Missing on SA Elections 2014

Joining a political party, any of them, seems to be a euphemism for putting your functioning brain on hold until further notice. The problem with morons is that its impossible to explain to them that they are morons. Voters need to look with less bias.… Read More →

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By Chester Missing

Chester Missing Chester Missing is South Africa's hottest new political analyst. Conrad Koch is his sidekick. It's strange, but you'll laugh... a lot.

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