Chester Missing

Steve Hofmeyer, Right Wing Slut-Nazi.

Steve Hofmeyer, Right Wing Slut-Nazi.

It’s official, Zulu has a new word: ‘etolls’. Its direct translation is: give Gauteng to the DA. The ANC might have been saved by our right wing slut-Nazi, Steve Hofmeyer, the CEO of racist sugar daddies, who called on his 400 most oppressed pale comrades… Read More →

History For Chops

History For Chops

That anyone still even attempts to call Heritage Day ‘Braai Day’ blows my little puppet brains. Woolworths, etc, must totally and utterly reject this k*k. If your heritage involved slavery then at least have the modesty to not rebrand everyone’s culture with your own word… Read More →

Capitalising on Marikana Victims

Capitalising on Marikana Victims

Msholozi wants sunshine journalism. Okay. So today’s good news is that the President has a cattle kraal worth more than the Marikana legal fees. Louis Vuitton has a handbag that costs as much as the Marikana victims’ legal fees. The fact is capitalism has won.… Read More →

Freedom Fronting

Freedom Fronting

The Freedom Front is fighting the EFF because they think it’s racist. I would say that that’s the pot calling the kettle black, but that’s exactly the wrong metaphor. I am guessing the Freedom Front’s real issue with EFF is that this whole land-grabbing thing… Read More →

Hip Hypocrisy

Hip Hypocrisy

This month Pitbull dropped a new track and the collective IQ of the planet dropped: “I can’t believe it, white girl got some ass I wanna see it; Black girl got a ass, it ain’t a secret”. Real talent gets the racism and sexism into… Read More →

Captain Morgan comes with Coke and the White House

Captain Morgan comes with Coke and the White House

The fastest ways to turn sane, clever people into idiots are tequila and debating Zimbabwean elections. The Western world decided it was rigged, mainly because their favorites lost. Of course, after they said the Egyptian coup wasn’t a coup because then they’d have to stop… Read More →

We’rrrre GR-R-REAT!

We’rrrre GR-R-REAT!

To celebrate non-racialism next Mandela Day I suggest you mix Corn Flakes and All Bran in the same bowl. Apart from a small clump of the Corn Flakes acting like they are entitled to the All Bran’s milk it tastes great. The Corn Flakes go… Read More →

Mmmm, Apartheid.

Mmmm, Apartheid.

Apparently white South African families still earn on average 6 times more than black ones. No wonder so many white people love the Rainbow Nation. It’s apartheid without the guilt. I suggest white people become like Madiba in this. No, I don’t mean organize a… Read More →

Unamanga!

Unamanga!

Last week Msholozi told us he’s shocked at living conditions in Cape Town poor areas. Wait until he sees Diepsloot, Umlazi and Nkandla. Sleepless nights for dayyyzzz. This week he told us that South Africa is much better off than in 1994. He’s right of… Read More →

Number 2′s at Number 1′s And the Other Party Poopers

Number 2′s at Number 1′s And the Other Party Poopers

In comedy, if you hijack other people’s work, it’s called stealing. In journalism, it’s called plagiarism. In music, it’s called DJ’ing. In politics, it’s called, er, politics. Comrade Julius Malema is back in the news and, all around the country, satirical puppets and puppets of… Read More →

Air Force One for Number One

Air Force One for Number One

It seems there’s a racist part of SA that thinks we shouldn’t be giving the President a new jet, just taxi money and Oros. He’s the President. He needs his ‘Air Force One’, although we’ll probably call it ‘Air Force Number One’. Joyce Banda, President… Read More →

The Long Walk to Woolworths

The Long Walk to Woolworths

Top Billing covered the controversial Gupta wedding. Then again if Satan and Hendrik Verwoerd got married Top Billing would cover it, as long as the devil wears Prada. If racial classism were a commodity all South Africans would be millionaires, Sandton would be a mining… Read More →

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By Chester Missing

Chester Missing Chester Missing is South Africa's hottest new political analyst. Conrad Koch is his sidekick. It's strange, but you'll laugh... a lot.

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