We’re Hate Junkies and the Press is our Dealer
Millions on brand building and security but nobody has the balls to teach Msholozi to adjust his glasses with another finger. Because there is some bastard journalist who wants to make gat of him. Making the president look dof sells thousands of newspapers. In fact… Read More →
Mangaung, Sponsored by Cadre Lite
Politicians are going nuts. Not since Edgars had Red Hanger Sales have I seen this many fat people killing each other for a deal. The SABC is cracking. Right now they’d cancel Takalane Sesame for using the word ‘Kgalema’. The Soweto Derby is this… Read More →
Reverse Apartheid Now!
The truth is white people would have ended apartheid 10 years earlier if we had just called ourselves ‘Rhinos’. Don’t get me wrong; I love rhinos, and white people. But let’s get honest, melanin-deficient comrades included, white people still own just about everything except the… Read More →
Common Senselessness
Blade Nzimande, the red wine drinking CEO of communists, wants to make insulting the president illegal. It’s not his fault the shape of Jacob Zuma’s head is so unique Tourism SA could make it an attraction. The problem in SA right now is that the… Read More →
Chardonnay, Best Served with Slavery
Politicians should be paid in inverse proportion to their weight. Helen Zille would be loaded, but she’d have to loan it all to Lindiwe. If these DA publicity stunts (e.g. COSATU, Nkandla, and now De Doorns) get any cheaper they’re going to have to change… Read More →
Cape Town, Africa’s Best un-African city
The media says Helen Zille marched on Zuma’s ‘compound’. It’s racist for white people to call a black man’s home ‘compound’. The correct term is ‘crib’. While she was away I marched on her Zilleville house. I was turned away by the armed wing of… Read More →
Zapiro, Zuma and Mac Maharaj: Media Whores
This Zapiro-Zuma thing isn’t a debate; it’s the AGM for the Association of Self Righteous Pricks of SA. Ja, I know Mac Maharaj is a walking box of race cards, but that Zapiro guy has been sitting on his high horse for so long he’s… Read More →
Giving the Economy a Vavi-sectomy
The ANC has 1-million members. The Congress of South African Trade Unions (Cosatu) has 2.2-million members. Clicks Club Card has 3.6-million members. I think Cosatu should start giving points for frequent strikers. This week I interviewed Zwelinzima Vavi for Late Nite News (LNN). I asked… Read More →
KFC: Kentucky Fried Coloured
I am angry with KFC. Not only because they gave me heartburn (Streetwise 2 is an undercover Rennies marketing campaign), and I don’t even have a digestive system. I am angry with KFC because they have jumped on the racism bandwagon and given us yet… Read More →
FW De Klerk – Just Go Quietly
Apartheid gave us this guy FW De Klerk, and we would like to give him back now please. He was our last white dictator. Now he has started the De Klerk Foundation and has a sidekick who tells us k*k. Can someone please get in… Read More →
Why the Opposition Sucks
Jacob Zuma is getting a R200-million extension on his house, which is blazing. Showers for daaaaaaays! Somewhere in SA is a kid thinking she could have a new school if she could just convince the ANC it’s part of the president’s house. So then why… Read More →
Don’t Braai our Heritage, Don’t braai!
To hell with Kate Middleton’s tits. The British go nuts when the French post a picture of their royalty topless, but National Geographic has been posting pictures of our royalty topless for years. Respect our heritage you bastards. Let me be very clear. It’s Nkosi… Read More →
Chester Missing is South Africa's hottest new political analyst. Conrad Koch is his sidekick. It's strange, but you'll laugh... a lot. 
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