Hayibo

OBITUARY NOTICE

OBITUARY NOTICE

Hayibo.com, aged 4 years and 11 months, passed away this morning after a long struggle with corporate apathy and creative overreach. Attended by family members, doctors, spokespeople with ludicrous names, and a small gathering of weeping Gummi Bears, the website slipped away peacefully after its… Read More →

The Best of 2012

The Best of 2012

As satirical priests prepare to administer last rites to Hayibo.com, supporters and family members have gathered downstairs to share memories and eat slightly stale cucumber sandwiches. Here, then, are the most read Hayibo scoops of 2012 – something to talk about instead of having to… Read More →

Beares Bears Receive Pants Sponsorship, Finally

Beares Bears Receive Pants Sponsorship, Finally

The three bears affiliated with Beares furniture shop announced this morning that an anonymous donor had delivered three small pairs of trousers for them. “We couldn’t be happier,” said Bear 1. “For 82 goddamn years we’ve been standing here with our tackle waving in the… Read More →

Global Relief as Mayan Apocalypse Revealed as Maya the Bee Apocalypse

Global Relief as Mayan Apocalypse Revealed as Maya the Bee Apocalypse

Relieved historians and archaeologists say the world will not end on December 21. “We all thought the apocalypse was predicted by the Mayans, but new evidence suggests that what we found was in fact the final episode of Maya The Bee, called ‘Maya Apocalypse’,” explained… Read More →

ANC Admits that Zuma is Pay-as-you-go President

ANC Admits that Zuma is Pay-as-you-go President

The ANC has for the first time admitted that Jacob Zuma was not their first choice as leader, but that he “came free with a Pay-as-you-go starter pack” in 1994. “Yes, it’s expensive and inefficient topping him up with credit every few days, but it’s… Read More →

World Outraged as Christians Claim Christmas Celebrates Birth of Jesus

World Outraged as Christians Claim Christmas Celebrates Birth of Jesus

Consumers around the planet say they are sick and tired of Christians trying to claim Christmas as a celebration of the birth of Jesus. “The blatant opportunism of these morbid hippies is hurtful and disrespectful to our ancient Christmas traditions of patching over family feuds… Read More →

Masses Say They Want Zuma Because They Want Zuma

Masses Say They Want Zuma Because They Want Zuma

South Africa’s masses say they want Jacob Zuma to have a second term because they want him to have a second term. Asked what Zuma had done to improve their lives, they ululated loudly before screaming, “Zuuumaaa!” Asked whether they were worried by allegations of… Read More →

Rhinos to be Rebranded as Unicorns so Chinese fear 777 Years of Bad Luck

Rhinos to be Rebranded as Unicorns so Chinese fear 777 Years of Bad Luck

With rhino-poaching continuing unabated in South Africa, the Department of Environmental Affairs has announced a new strategy to combat the trade in rhino horns. “Strap a pair of wings on, dust them with glitter, and call them unicorns,” said a spokesperson. “That’s all we’ve got… Read More →

National Maths Average of 13% Good News for Zuma Second Term

National Maths Average of 13% Good News for Zuma Second Term

As a shock report reveals that the average mathematics mark for South African Grade 9′s is just 13 percent, the government has insisted that citizens will be much happier if they don’t know how to count. “Imagine how much more jolly we’d all be if… Read More →

Malema to Publish Steamy Legal Thriller Fifty Shades of Money Laundering

Malema to Publish Steamy Legal Thriller Fifty Shades of Money Laundering

As the National Prosecuting Authority brings fifty new charges against Julius Malema, the former ANC Youth League president says he will pay off mounting legal costs by turning his ordeal into a bestselling sex thriller called Fifty Shades of Money Laundering. According to Malema, the… Read More →

Lady Gaga Demons Take one Look at Johannesburg, go Back to Hell

Lady Gaga Demons Take one Look at Johannesburg, go Back to Hell

As South African Christians brace themselves for Lady Gaga’s concert in Johannesburg tonight, her entourage has revealed that there is no cause for alarm. “Yes, we opened a portal to Hell when we did sound-checks this morning,” confirmed a spokesroady. “But the demons took one… Read More →

ANC Women “Not Feminists”, Call on Women to Give Back the Vote, Jobs, the Pill

ANC Women “Not Feminists”, Call on Women to Give Back the Vote, Jobs, the Pill

Having publicly announced that they are not feminists, the ANC Women’s League has asked South Africa’s women to form an orderly queue and give back the vote, the Pill, their right to work, and equality before the law. “Feminism gave us those things, and we… Read More →

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By Hayibo

Hayibo Hayibo.com was conceived in a barn during a passionate bout of lovemaking between the SABC news department and the scare-mongering division of News24.com. It is a not-for-profit website, in that it has failed to make a profit since its birth.

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