As Muslim groups in South Africa campaign to have Tony Blair arrested, prison gang boss Jeremiah ‘Captain Stabby’ Blud says he can’t wait to meet the former British Prime Minister and induct him into the Sexy Boys of Cell Block B. “Pappa wag vir jou,” said Blud. However,Blair says he will never join a prison gang. “I will totally start my own, innit,” he said.

Blair, who won over British voters in the 1990s with his rags-to-slimy-conman tale, has been accused of war crimes by various local Muslim and human rights groups. He has also been accused of looking like a ventriloquist’s dummy, however, international law currently regards ventriloquism as an atrocity and not a crime against humanity.

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