Being a bearded man myself, I shuddered when I heard the hair-raising news that some bigoted, malicious and clearly smooth faced fools had attacked a man for possessing facial hair – clearly these clowns were egged on by their unfortunate inability to grow a decent beard.

Thankfully however, when I rushed to my local news-stand to find out the hairy details of this horrendous story, The Cape Times clearly revealed that the man was in fact attacked for being “breaded” and not ‘bearded’.

You can image my relief as I looked down, and knew I’d be safe, seeing that my face produces hair and not crumbs.