Capetonians Looking Forward to AfrikaBurn Taking all Their Hipsters

By I-ZAWIRE April 25, 2016


At last we’ll be able to breathe for a week, say locals

CAPE TOWN: Once again, the Mother City is abuzz with excitement as hipsters prepare for the annual AfrikaBurn migration, in which many thousands of the city’s rich, white and privileged trek to a remote location somewhere in the desert, and stay there for a week.

“I can’t wait,” says city resident Mike Forrest, 37. “At last, I’ll be able to get a decent seat at the craft beer bar and have a drink in peace without having to listen to some bearded trust fund douchebag talking loudly about some documentary he claims to be making, or some such shit. God, I hate those assholes,” he adds.

Local waiter Tracy Hause, 24, is equally enthusiastic about the event. “The city really needs the break,” she says, “even if it’s only for a short week. Pity it’s not longer. Pity their cars don’t all break down and they all run out of water and die there.” Hause stopped speaking at this point, as she was staring ecstatically into the middle distance.

Local hipster, Delecia Andrews, stated that this “ghastly negative aura” is exactly why she needs to get away to Afrikaburn. “Cape Town isn’t just racist, it’s totally hispterist!”

Animosity towards hipsters definitely runs deep in the city, and according local Uber driver and amateur sociologist Trevor Neill, 61, a primary reason is hypocrisy. “Just think about it,” says Neill as he weaves through the traffic. “They say it’s all about getting close to nature right? So what do they do? Pack every mod con they have into their overpriced cars, and go off to listen to shitty electronic music and take a mountain load of synthetic drugs that was probably smuggled up some poor, exploited drug mules ass. Seriously? Fuck those guys.”


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