Zuma Cronies Insist Their Matrics Aren’t Fake, They’re Just “Alternative Matrics”

By ZANEWS February 6, 2017

zuma matric

The qualifications they have are “non-standard” and “untraditional”

PRETORIA – King Ngcobo, head of Zuma’s VIP protection services, is the latest public figure to have only a fake qualification to his name. And while the public are angry and scornful of these fake qualifications, Zuma’s newly appointed Head of VIP Spin, Hlumelo Dyanti, claims that the qualifications aren’t fake, they’re just “alternative”.

Dyanti, who has just returned from high level PR spin training in the US, said that the qualifications in question were “really, really great, they’re amazing, people tell me all the time”. He says that many of those in public service are in possession of alternative matrics, and some even have alternative degrees, “but that’s never stopped them from cashing their paycheques at the end of the month.

“In fact, we will soon be offering our own unique matric alternative courses,” Dyanti says, “With all proceeds going directly to fund further education projects.” Subjects on offer will include Alternative Fact Checking, and Tender Economics.